Can Personality and Destiny Really Change?

A reflection through science, lived experience, and inner transformation

A neuroscientist and my grandmother walk into a bar…

It sounds like the beginning of a joke, but it’s actually a meeting point between modern science and ancestral wisdom. My grandmother says, “Parents give birth to the child, Heaven gives the temperament.” The neuroscientist nods, “Human temperament is biologically shaped.”

At first glance, they seem to be saying different things. In truth, they’re pointing to the same idea: some parts of us are set from the very beginning. And that’s true. But it’s only half of the story.

“Temperament is given.” —true, but not complete

This familiar saying has lived quietly in the collective psyche for generations. It subtly teaches us that people are born a certain way and remain that way forever. When someone claims they’ve changed, we often meet that statement with doubt.

Over time, this belief can erode our faith in the possibility of change, not just in others, but in ourselves. Yet when modern neuroscience meets ancient wisdom, a more nuanced truth emerges: both are right, if we understand what “change” truly means.

Personality as a multi-layered architecture

In contemporary psychology, personality is not a rigid, unchanging block. It’s more like a house with multiple layers.

• The foundation is innate temperament: the sensitivity of the nervous system, introverted or extroverted tendencies, baseline energy rhythms, and natural reactivity.

• The middle layers are learned: how we respond to stress, regulate emotions, and engage in relationships.

• The upper layers are the stories we carry about ourselves: Who am I? Am I worthy? Is the world safe?

Not every layer is equally flexible. Innate temperament is relatively stable, and, importantly, it does not need to be changed. Problems arise only when we mistake the foundation for the entire house.

Neuroplasticity—when the brain learns new ways to respond

Neuroscience offers a key concept here: neuroplasticity—the brain’s capacity to change through experience. The brain is not fixed. It adapts to what we repeat. Repeated thoughts, emotions, and behaviors strengthen neural pathways, turning reactions into habits and habits into what others perceive as “personality.”

This is why someone who once struggled with anxiety may become increasingly anxious over time, or someone who learned to suppress emotions may gradually feel emotionally numb, not because “that’s just who they are,” but because the nervous system has learned these patterns as survival strategies. In other words, we don’t change who we are, we change how who we are operates.

When change means living in harmony with your nature

I once worked with an introverted client who needed solitude to recharge. For years, she blamed herself for not being more outgoing and pushed herself to attend every social gathering. Each time, she ended up exhausted. At another point, she swung to the opposite extreme, avoiding all connection, and found herself feeling isolated and inadequate.

Over time, she learned how her body and nervous system actually functioned. She remained introverted, but she began setting healthier boundaries, choosing depth over quantity in relationships, and releasing self-judgment when she needed to say no.

What changed was not her nature, but how she lived in alignment with it. And as her way of living shifted, her experience of life gradually changed as well, and over time, those experiences began to shape her destiny.

A personal journey & the birth of CSF

For nearly 16 years, I found myself trapped in recurring emotional patterns and conflicting beliefs: deeply longing for love and happiness while simultaneously believing that it would never truly be available to me.

I gave more, waited longer, and hoped that if I tried hard enough, things would eventually change. As someone with an innately sensitive temperament (Core), I was acutely aware of subtle shifts: small changes in tone, prolonged hesitation, and unspoken truths that both sides could sense but never name.

For a long time, I believed my sensitivity was the problem. But looking back, I see that the pain did not come from my Core, but from my System—the way I had learned to survive: staying too long, refusing to let go, and slowly abandoning my own needs and boundaries in order to be accepted.

Every attempt to change my nature left me more exhausted, because it was a battle I could never win. Only when I became clear enough to stop and to let go, not in anger or resentment, but with understanding and self-compassion, did real healing begin.

It took me many years to realize that what needed to be released was not the need for love, but the patterns and beliefs that required me to deny my own nature in order to be accepted.

Today, I am still a sensitive person. But that sensitivity no longer pulls me into suffering. Instead, it has become the foundation of my work—the ability to sense emotional nuance and listen to what has not yet been spoken. From this lived experience, CSF—the Core-System Framework© was born.

CSF—Core-System Framework©

CSF is a way of distinguishing two essential aspects of the human experience:

• The Core—innate temperament, natural nervous system sensitivity, baseline energy rhythms, introversion or extroversion. This part is stable. It does not need to be changed, it needs to be understood and respected.

• The System—emotional reflexes, belief structures, habits, behaviors, and emotional intelligence capacities. This part is adaptable and can be learned, trained, and refined.

Through years of practice, one pattern became clear: When people try to change their Core, they burn out and resist. When they nurture their System, transformation unfolds naturally and sustainably.

The most important question is not “How do I change myself?” It is: Am I working with my Core or with my System?

[Learn more about the CSF Framework →]

So, can people really change?

That depends on what we mean by change.

• No, if change means overturning your fundamental nature and becoming someone else.

• Yes, if change means growing in emotional and nervous system maturity.

We don’t change who we are. We change how we show up in the world.

Closing reflection

Change is not about becoming someone else. It is about returning to yourself with greater safety, freedom, and steadiness.

When we can distinguish what must be honored (Core) from what can be cultivated (System), change no longer feels like a war against the self. And what once seemed impossible becomes quietly achievable.

Where to begin

If you’re curious to begin working with this framework, start simply. For one to two weeks, observe yourself without judgment, without trying to fix anything. Notice:

• When do you feel that something is “wrong” with you?

• What reactions repeat when you feel stressed or hurt?

• What belongs to your nature (Core), and what is a learned response (System)?

Sometimes, a single well-placed question is enough: Am I trying to fix who I am or how I’ve learned to survive? That distinction alone can shift how you relate to yourself.

Wishing you a new year filled with clarity, groundedness, gentleness, and peace. Happy New Year 2026!

— Q

Note:

• This article is informed by research in neuroscience, emotional intelligence, and personality psychology. It is intended for educational purposes and does not replace professional therapeutic care.

• About CSF – Core-System Framework©: CSF is a working framework developed by Quyen (Quinn) Trinh, integrating research from psychology, neuroscience, and personal development. © 2025 Quyen (Quinn) Trinh. Q Total Wellness. All rights reserved.